So, I left my last blog at the age of seven and what had happened to me so far. From seven to ten, my life was as normal as I guess it could be. Although kids my age were crewel even back then. Yes, bullying has been around that long. They would tease me for not having a mom and then when I would tell them what happened they would look at me like I was lying. Why would I lie? I guess because I never really acted my age and when I would tell the story I was so grown up talking about it. I did not have many friends in school and if I did, they were mainly boys. I could talk to boys easier, and the boys never looked at me any different about myself or the life I had had already. But then because boys were mainly my friends, I was called a slut and given the nick name of rabbit in school; rabbits like to multiply. I think you know where I am going with this. I lived a very protected life because of what had happened to me. In the summer and school holidays I would visit my aunt Sheila, in Oklahoma City. She had become my normal, my laughter, my rock. I do not say this lightly although later in life I learned that she too was very young at the time and now she was taking care of me and Franklin when we could get away. It was always to see her. I remember being very young and taking a grey hound bus to go see her from Lawton Oklahoma. She was always fun to be with she made life fun. At easter time she would always get me a basket, one year she did a scavenger hunt with clues that would lead me closer to the basket. I remember that so well. She was my mom's sister too and if I had questions about my mom, I could ask her. She would tell me the things if she knew. From her I learned that my mom was a little wild and she was strong minded. What does that mean? Strong minded, if you are a mother and have a strong-willed child, this was my mom. This even came up after the murder and suspected that she was having an affair with a military person and that he murdered her. I have to stay strong as I know who did it and I could not imagine my mom being anything other than a mother with two girls that just wanted to live in peace and start over. Have you ever wanted the same? Just want to start over. Maybe if you start over, things would be different this time around. But unless you deal with the problems the ending will most likely be the same.
Do you ever see yourself with someone you thought was one way then find out that they are not that way at all? I have many times in my life. I do not know if my mom knew Jesus. I hope she did because I want to see her again someday (in heaven). Ok, on with the story. I write like a squirrel as memories come up, I want to share but also want to stay on the timeline. So please God help me to stay where you want me to stay as I share my life.
After I prayed this and because it is Christmas time now 2024. I want to share with you a Christmas memory when I lived with my grandmother. I had an organ that I loved to play. I remember one Christmas eve. I woke up really early or maybe even before I went to sleep waiting for Santa himself. I went to my organ and started to play Silent Night. I remember it being so peaceful when I played it. My grandparents even though divorced at this time in my life always made Christmas a BIG thing. We always had the big tree and what seemed like a life size Santa outside by the front door. But now looking back he was only maybe like three foot tall. My grandparent did the best they could. They both worked and they both drank.
Because of the way things had become with my grandmother her drinking the things she would tell me when she was drunk. Things that a child should not have to hear from anyone. Sheila recently told me that I would call her from a closet in my bedroom scared and crying because of the things my grandmother would talk about.
When I was ten, I went to live with Sheila. I recall all the homes she lived in, but this one was my favorite. She had designed this home and decorated it like it was going to be on a magazine cover. She made my room my own. She even painted a wall mural, and it always reminded me of a rising sun. The closet had become my hide out place, I had a small desk in there. I would imagine that I did my homework in the closet and things that a child of my age would do. It was a special place to just hide and get away. Do you have a place like that from childhood that you remember of? I remember a home Sheila had before I moved in permanently, she had a pecan tree orchard. I remember picking pecans up from the ground and putting them in a bag. This was also the home that she did the scavenger hunt with me. She recently told me that Franklin lived with her first, he had been sent off to a boy's home for things that he had gotten into. They would not let him go live back at home, so he moved in with his sister Sheila. I do remember him being sent away and I remember visiting him. I remember he did live with us but to me I thought that came later after I had already been with her for a while. But apparently, he lived with her first then I moved in.
Sheila being young herself bite of more than she could handle. She had Franklin and now she had me. She worked two jobs to support us.
Sheila was going to church at this time, and it is because of her that that I found the love of Jesus. I was ten when I got saved and not too long after that I got baptized. From the beginning of my salvation I heard that if you do not "forgive" others then your prayers would not be heard. Now I know that forgiving others just like Christ forgave, I too shall be forgiven.
Forgiveness varies for everyone but generally involves choosing to release resentment and anger. The hurtful act may linger, but forgiveness can reduce its hold, freeing you from the influence of the person who harmed you. It might even foster understanding and compassion toward them. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting or excusing the wrongdoing, nor is it about reconciling with the offender. It offers peace, allowing you to focus on yourself and move forward with life. As a child, I am sure if I knew what prayer was. I had already had my quota for my whole life. Forgiving is not for them. Forgiving is for yourself.
After I was saved this was in the back of my mind. Who had hurt me? Well, if you are staying connected with this blog you would know this person who had hurt me was Don.
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